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Idiot of the Month: The worst of March

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5. Johnny Damon

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Johnny Damon’s memoir is titled Idiot, and while that book is more than a decade and a half old, the former Red Sox center fielder doesn’t need to change the title to write a sequel.

Damon’s idiocy really happened in February, during the 47-year-old’s DUI arrest in Florida. And yeah, that’s plenty stupid. But the reason that Damon makes the March Idiot of the Month list is the release of the video of that arrest, in which the vocal Trump supporter makes clear that one of the things he likes so much about the ex-president must be flouting the law.

A clearly drunk Damon, who came up with a blood-alcohol level of .30, slurred his speech while he and his wife got testy with the police, disobeyed their orders, and touched them despite being warned not to.

That must be the other part of what Damon admired about Trump, some combination of “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” and “very fine people.” Not that Damon is an active white supremacist, but he certainly enjoys the white privilege of acting like he did with police officers arresting him, and then living to tell the tale.

Damon’s wife, Michelle Mangan-Damon, really earned her idiot cred by managing to get arrested at a traffic stop where she wasn’t the drunk driver. She, along with her husband, got out of the couple’s SUV despite being told by police to stay in the vehicle, and… why? Who does that? Who gets pulled over by the cops and just decides to take a stroll?

What’s not clear is whether Damon’s idiocy extends to his description of where he got drunk that night in February, “London House.”

“It’s a guy who had a lot of money to uh, I don’t know, take care of taxes,” Damon said. “So he’s uh, we were just having a good time there.”

Sounds totally legit and not like something that could all blow up as a result of a dumbass who’s 47 and keeping the haircut of his late 20s, despite a receding hairline making him look like a strip-club owner in the worst way, all while driving drunk around Florida.

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